This practice is for anyone — all genders, all backgrounds.

Feminist Decluttering  is about noticing the silent rules society puts on us:

how we “should” look, 

behave, spend time, and constantly try to be “better”. 

Instead,  we are here to take back our space, our time, and our right to live for ourselves.

“Instead of spending time and energy catering to the gaze and social discipline, I follow Orlan’s spirit:

‘My goal was to be different, strong; to sculpt my own body to reinvent the self.’”

Let’s get started!

STEP 1

Introduction (3 mins)

This toolkit, Feminist Decluttering, is about noticing the silent rules society puts on us:

how we “should” look, behave, spend time, and constantly try to be “better”. 

Instead, we are here to take back our space, our time, and our right to live for ourselves.

Feminism here is not only about women. It is about everyone and the systems we live in. Many men also struggle with appearance pressure and the idea that they must look strong and never show weakness. Studies show that people around the world spend about 4 hours a day trying to improve their appearance. On average, women spend nearly 5 hours a week grooming, while men spend over 3 hours a week working out to maintain a certain body image. A lot of this time is not truly for ourselves, but for the gaze and expectations of others.

This toolkit helps you notice whether you are caught in that cycle, or if you have already sensed it and want to step out. Through simple and gentle exercises, you will explore what you genuinely want to spend your time and attention on. Not what others expect, but what actually matters to you.

This is about letting go of habits shaped by pleasing others, reclaiming your body and your time, and choosing your life for yourself. 

Step 2

Brainstorm: Notice External Expectations (6 mins)

preparation:

*Grab a piece of paper and pen, or open a notes app ✍

👀Take a breath. Let’s start! 😀

Stay gentle with yourself. You’re just observing. 

1.Three warm-up Questions (1 min)

Answer thesequickly each in 5 seconds. Don’t overthink! just notice and write down a note.

When today did I feel the most “looked at”?

What version of myself do I hope no one ever sees?

Who is the “audience” in my mind?

2. The Gaze Audit List (3 mins)

👁️   👁️Write down every action today (or recently) that happened because someone might be watching.
The more honest you are, the more powerful this becomes. 

3. Spot the “version” you’re performing (2 min)

This is the heart of the exercise.

Circle the top 1–2 behaviors you do most often, then ask yourself:

Is this protecting me, or draining me?

Is this something I chose, or something I was trained to do?

How much time do I spend on it everyday, is it really necessary?

If the whole world couldn’t see me, which of these behaviors would disappear?

Pause for 5 seconds.
Let the answer land softly.😌

STEP 3

👾Take Action: What is one small thing I can do today that is for me, not for the gaze? (4 mins)

You just checked in with your body, noticed where the pressure of being seen lives, and felt who you are when no one is looking.

Now we turn that into action, not big changes, just small gentle shifts that give your time and agency back to you.

Choose 1–2 actions below, or create your own
and do them start from today or tomorrow.
(Make it small enough that you cannot fail.)

1. A sticker of sovereignty

Write one sentence that comes from your brainstorm or meditation and place it somewhere you’ll see often, like back of your mobile phone.

I am not performing.

I don’t exist for an audience.

My body is mine.

I choose what I do.

…

(Put it on the back of your phone, laptop, water bottle, or mirror.)

2. The “No Performance” Minute

(drop the performance for sixty seconds)

Right now, relax your shoulders, unclench your stomach. Let your face return to its most natural state. No smile, no mask, no effort.

For one minute,

just be yourself without performing for anyone.

That is an action.

A private, unrated space.

One minute is enough to shift something deep.

3. The Real Voice Line

(speak one sentence in your unfiltered voice)

Using your most natural voice

not the polite voice, not the pleasing voice

read one of the following lines to yourself:

 “This is my voice.”

 “I’m here, and I don’t have to shrink.”

 “I don’t have to be perfect to exist.”

 “I don’t say sorry for existing.”

 “I can take my time.”

 “I don’t have to reply instantly.”

 “I’m allowed to say no.”

This is a physical way of calling your agency back from inside your body.

One sentence is enough.

Let your body remember it.

STEP 4

Reflection & Next Step (3 mins)

1.Time & Energy Awareness

🦋Ask yourself:

Which behaviors from today’s gaze-audit could I release, even just a little?

If I stop doing that one performance habit, how many minutes or how much mental energy would I get back tomorrow?

(5 minutes? 20 minutes? an hour of emotional relief?)

What could I do with that saved time that’s actually mine? Something grounding, joyful, or simply restful?

Let the answer be honest, not idealized.

2. Tomorrow’s Plan

⭐️Now write one small, realistic intention for tomorrow, 

something that returns your time or your body back to yourself.

✨Examples:

 “Tomorrow I will do one thing without worrying how it looks.”

 “Tomorrow I will pause before performing and choose for myself.”

 “Tomorrow I will let myself take up space in one situation.”

 “Tomorrow I will protect my energy in one moment.”

To seal it, whisper quietly:

“Tomorrow, at least one choice will be mine.”

Also, write or whisper softly:

“This action is mine.

Not for the gaze.

Not for approval.

Just for me.”

STEP 5

Pause & Listen to Your Body (3 mins)

A grounding practice to return your body to yourself.👂

Short breathing, meditation, listen to your body.

Audio

Take a moment.
Place one hand on your chest

Just a gentle touch, enough to feel that you’re here.

If it feels okay, let your eyes close.

We’ll start with the breath.
Inhale for 1… 2… 3.
Exhale for 1… 2… 3… 4… 5.

Again.
Inhale… 1, 2, 3.
Exhale… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

One more time.
Soft breath in…
Longer breath out…

Let your breathing return to natural.

Now gently notice your body —
not how it looks,
but how it feels from the inside.

Notice:
Where is my body holding the pressure of being seen?
Maybe the shoulders that stay “up”,
the stomach that keeps pulling in,
the face that’s been arranging itself,
the chest that stays tight
as if waiting for someone’s reaction.

You don’t need to change it.
Just notice: Oh… that’s where the gaze landed on me today.

Now take a slow breath into that place.
You’re not performing anymore.
No audience here.
No silent rules.
Just you and your body.

Ask quietly:
“What part of me relaxes when no one is looking?”
“Who am I when I don’t have to adjust myself?”

Feel the weight of your hand on your chest, that’s your own presence,
your own ownership.

This body is yours.
Your time is yours.
Your choices are yours.

You don’t have to live for an invisible audience.

Take one last gentle breath.

When you’re ready, open your eyes slowly and come back to yourself.
Not the version the world wants, but the version that is simply here.

STEP 6

 Closing (1 min)

congratulations! Well done!

If you feel like sharing your notes, your micro-action, or anything you noticed, you’re welcome to post it in social media platform and share my OER toolkit.

🌻Also, it will be a huge help if you want to contact or email me for sharing your thought.☘️

Reference

Orlan, The Reincarnation of Saint-Orlan, interview by Stuart Jeffries, The Guardian, July 1, 2009, para. 7, https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2009/jul/01/orlan-performance-artist-carnal-art.