What is this? This is the checklist for having the Talk, but with explanations why we should do the things on the list. Don’t just believe me, understand why those things make sense. You just want the list? It’s here.
How do we want to communicate with each other?
O Frequency: how often do you want to meet?
Why? For some people, short, frequent meetings are better as they need reassurance they are on the right track. For some people, a meeting requires preparing themselves for the social interaction, so fewer meetings might suit them.
O Medium: do you want to meet in person or online?
Why? Some people benefit from seeing the other person’s entire body language, so they prefer an in person meeting. Some people prefer their meeting online, for various reasons. They might have to minimise the risk to exposing themselves to pathogens. They might find being in their own home anxiety reducing. They might be able to focus better in their home where they can control the light, temperature, etc. There might also be financial reasons, such as the price of commuting, or physical barriers such as inaccessibility or the length of commute.
If you choose online, we recommend Zoom or Teams. NOT Collaborate. Zoom is widely known, that means many people are familiar with the software and its looks. It comes with the widest range of inclusion features of any popular meeting software (epilepsy protection, noise reduction, very good CC etc). MS Teams is the second best choice. UoE has licenses for both. UoE also has a license for Collaborate. Do NOT use that software, it is one of the worst softwares on the market for inclusion; it does not even have native CC.
O Length: are shorter meetings better or longer meetings?
Why? Focus varies between people. Especially some neurodivergent people might struggle to focus for more than 20 or 30 minutes. A long meeting will be exhausting for them and they won’t benefit from the later parts of the meeting. Other people need to overcome anxiety first and need some time to “thaw” before they can relax, focus and engage.
O Notes: Should we take them and who is taking them? Maybe send a wee email with bullet points after the meeting.
Why? Some disabilities and types of neurodivergence impact memory. Notes might be needed. Other types require not writing and listening at the same time. Some people need to take notes to process. Clearly establish who takes notes. Sending a wee email after the meeting is a good way to avoid misunderstandings and also a good way for a supervisor to keep a supervision record.
O Style: Can we hint at something or should we always be explicit? Can we use metaphors? (yes, really!)
Why? Some neurodivergent people are bad with metaphors and social cues. They need direct and clear communication. So are some non-native speakers of English as social cues, hints and politeness vary strongly from culture to culture.
O Other ways to communicate: Should we use other ways to communicate (as well)?
Why? Not everyone prefers to communicate in the same way. E.g. a hearing person might have an auditory processing disorder that makes a synchronous meeting very exhausting. Written messages might be easier. Someone with a visual processing disorder, on the other hand, might be better off with a voice only Teams call. Someone who has issues with language processing speed and is anxious about asking for repetition will probably love video or audio message they can play back several times, and then think about their answer before sending it. That goes for some non-native speakers, too!
What can we expect of each other?
O How much time do we realistically have for each other?
Why? Making it clear and explicit how much contact we can expect of each other is anxiety reducing. There is no guessing involved what too much or too little might look like. How much time a supervisor and student have for each other varies by culture, too.
O How much work/feedback do we expect of each other and when?
Why? Same as before, we can reduce anxiety and avoid disappointment by making explicit how much we can expect of each other. This helps with anxiety, neurodivergence and cultural differences.
O What are our working hours? When can we reach each other and how?
Why? Not everyone works 9-5, Monday til Friday. Make explicit when they can email (maybe they can email 24/7 but you will only reply in your working hours) and when they can expect a reply. In some cultures, it is considered impolite to email outside of working hours.
Remember:
√ Consider the needs of both parties and find something that works for both.
Why? This has to equally work for both. Making arrangements that fit your needs and the student’s shows them you do what you preach. It also helps you to build trust. And making sure you are comfortable is important because you cannot pour out of an empty jug. Looking after you is part of looking after others.
√ Try to openly discuss needs, but be prepared that the student might be ashamed or scared and not tell you everything right away.
Why? Every single disabled person that you will meet is traumatised. Every. Single. One. They have been gaslit and mistreated so often that they might not trust your offer of help. They might have learnt in their past life that offers of help always come with condescending behaviour or are a trap. It might take time until they accept your help. Should it never happen, remind yourself that you did everything you could, and that their past trauma is at fault here, not you.
√ Keep talking, these terms can be changed later if they no longer work!
Why? Needs and availability on sides may change over time. It is also possible that they still have to figure out what is helpful for them. You might be their first help ever. If that is the case, they need to figure out what to do with help, as they never experienced true help before.
