Week 2: Wrestling with theoretical terminology

I’ve just finished the core reading for this week and it’s been consciously slow-paced – a process of not simply reading text on a screen and trying to assimilate its meaning, but equally of experimentation and what I will refer to as reacculturation. Experimentation with particular methods of tackling an academic text, including highlighting, note-taking, rereading, investigating concepts and references via external sources, testing out the various functions of the digital tool I have elected for the task (Diigo). Reacculturation in terms of beginning to thoroughly reengage with the conventions of academic discourse in order to make sense of the theories and ideas expressed. Never before has Dictionary.com received so many hits in a single study session! Sociomateriality, ontology, teleology, essentialism, black box (verb), posthumanism, imbrication… This is vocabulary acquisition at a rate that would be the envy of many a language student!

But what to do with all of these new words? After acquisition must come application but first must be overcome the self-doubt and self-consciousness so often involved in speaking a language not your original, not your own. Do I really know what this word means? Truly deeply? Might I be called out as an imposter if I try to speak as the natives do? In my fixation on trying to use the word in the right place at the right time, to impress my audience with my lexical dexterity, do I not run the risk of losing my handle on the broader message I wish to communicate? How can I prevent this unfamiliar language from impeding me or leading me? If I am to weave insights from the reading into my own perspective and express this using my own critical voice (as your previous feedback advises), my feeling is that this will not only require solid understanding of the text but also a certain degree of reconciliation between my language and that of the author.

My first encounter with academic texts in this course seems to have provoked a hyper-awareness of the gap between my language and that which typifies academic discourse, which has come as a surprise considering that as an academic English tutor I’m hardly a stranger to the genre! I suppose in my teaching role I haven’t had to engage with academic texts as intimately as if it were for my own studies, but more as part of a collaborative endeavour in which I model and scaffold the reading process for my students to help them develop strategies for coping with the complex language and the reading load. Beyond that, the responsibility for achieving adequate comprehension of the text in its entirety has rested with my students. I now appreciate more acutely than ever what a formidable challenge this must be for a Chinese student with an upper intermediate level of English!

Not wanting my current state of mind to be misinterpreted as despairing or defeatist, I will change the tone to one of resolve. I’m confident that experimenting with different strategic approaches to the reading on this course will enable me to soon develop an effective (and hopefully efficient) system for tackling the reading load and taking notes digitally (with the invaluable assistance of Diigo – much more than a social bookmarking platform – no I’m not being paid commission!). What could take a little longer is the linguistic reacculturation, as I’m choosing to refer to it, although the use of that very term might suggest that I’m already making ground! In the meantime, to prevent myself from becoming overwhelmed by a torrent of tricky terminology, it may be necessary to keep reminding myself that I have a voice and I have ideas and I shouldn’t be afraid to express them using whatever linguistic resources I can summon at that given moment. After all, it is the idea rather than the words used to express it which is where the real interest and persuasive potential lies, which can make a genuine impact in a discussion or debate and drive it forward. There’ll be no more counselling of my own students with this message until I’ve demonstrably taken heed of it myself!