Blog by Gia
As students trying to make the best of higher education, we exist in a constant tug-of-war between responsibility and opportunity. Every new conference, project, or social activity comes along as a potential chance to get ahead – whether for professional growth, networking, or relationships. It’s easy to imagine that “yes” is the only means of making the most of these years. I for one have felt the pressure – especially with the fear of missing out (FOMO) constantly staring me in the face.
But here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: The power of saying “no” is one of the most essential tools for success as a student. As much as we’re encouraged to be everywhere and do everything, it turns out that the most effective way to thrive is not through endless commitments but through setting clear boundaries – both for our academic work and our well-being.
The Weight of FOMO
I’ll confess, guilty as charged, I struggle with FOMO. There’s always that annoying little voice at the back of my head telling me I’m going to miss something important. Whether it’s a networking session that might help my future career, a party with classmates that might cement friendships, or an extra research project that promises a shiny academic mark, I’ve caught myself saying “yes” when my instincts tell me to hold on.
The fear of missing out is particularly strong in postgraduate life, where every door appears to be an opportunity to deepen our learning, meet influential people, or make something worthwhile. We must be everywhere, capture every opportunity, and master every duty – because otherwise, won’t we get left behind?
But here’s the truth: constantly opening yourself up to every experience, fuelled by FOMO, only makes you spread thin more, more exhausted and disconnected than before.
Boundaries to the rescue!
In my experience, learning to say “no” has been one of the hardest yet most powerful things I’ve done for myself. Setting boundaries is not just about saying “no” to others, it’s about saying “yes” to you. It’s about recognizing when you’re pushing your limits and making conscious decisions to preserve your energy, focus, and peace of mind.
Saying “no” doesn’t make you less driven or ambitious; it just means you’re choosing quality over quantity. Instead of overcommitting yourself to a bunch of things that leave you stressed and frazzled, you’re choosing to invest your energy in the things that truly matter to you – your research, your personal growth, and yes, even your mental health.
The Hidden Strength of Just Refusal
When I started turning down what I knew in my soul wouldn’t truly be the best for me no matter how opportune it sounded, it felt like I was depriving myself of something essential. I worried that by not fully participating in every activity or experience, I was losing my edge or falling behind others. But what I later realized was this wonderful thing: by saying ‘no’, I’ve been able to say yes to what truly contributes to my goals and values.
It sounds counterintuitive but saying ‘no; is a great thing to do. It is an acknowledgment that your time, energy, and mental health are worth protecting. And when you do say ‘yes’, it is with more intent, purpose, and feeling of satisfaction.
The perks of it thereof:
- Reduced Anxiety: The fewer commitments I take on, the less stressed I become. Stepping away from other events, projects, or social activities has enabled me to recharge, and avoid the burnout that comes from trying to do everything at once.
- Increased Productivity: Focusing on fewer, high-priority tasks skyrocketed my productivity. I’m no longer attempting to do a half-dozen things at once, which meant that I could focus my best efforts on the things that most matter to my academic and personal goals.
- Improved Mental Health: Permitting myself to refuse what did not fully align with my person has been a sanity-saver for my mental health. I worry less about feeling left rather, my energy is directed towards taking care of myself and the things that ground me and give me a sense of peace.
Practical ways to say ‘no’ without guilt!
- Honest without being offensive: I used to over-explain myself, fearing that I might disappoint others. Now, I keep it simple and respectful: “I’d love to, and I truly appreciate this offer, but I need to focus on my essay right now.” Honesty is key, but you don’t need to justify your decision endlessly.
- Offer Alternatives Wherever Applicable: If it’s something I’d like to participate in but can’t right now, I suggest a future opportunity. This way, I don’t feel like I’m cutting myself off from everything but instead creating space for what I can truly manage.
- Know Your Breaking Point: Recognizing when I’m stretched too thin has been the hardest part, but it’s also the most important. When my to-do list feels overwhelming, it’s a sign to pause and reassess my priorities.
- Create a Personal Policy for “Yes” and “No”: One thing I’ve found helpful is creating my own rules for when I say “yes” or “no.” For example, I’ll only say “yes” to opportunities that align with my long-term career goals, personal growth or mental health. Whilst saying this, it is also key that you reciprocate the same respect for other’s boundaries.
Reframing FOMO as an Opportunity
All things said, I’ve realized that FOMO isn’t about missing out; it’s about choosing what’s best for me. Instead of fearing the things I’m not doing, I’ve learned to embrace the things I am doing – and to do them fully and intently.
Remember, it’s not about doing everything. Sometimes, it’s about doing the right things and having the courage to say “no” to the rest.
