I’m on my third degree and I’ve worked in the college effectiveness field in some form or fashion for the last fifteen years. I’ve been a teacher, a college access and persistence coach, a high school counselor, and I’ve co-founded an organization with the singular mission of supporting students get into and complete college. I’m an expert on college. Yet, college is still kicking my ass. Here is what is hard, even after all these years:
- Communication comes from a million places, all the time. I check my email, I check the threads, I check the chats, I check all the things. Sometimes a student can “do” everything they are supposed to and still be overwhelmed. In fact, a student may be overwhelmed because they ARE doing everything they are supposed to.
- Making friends is not easy and loneliness, particularly when you are away from home, is real. I’m about as comfortable in my own skin as one can be and as introverted as they come, but not having a small circle (yet) I can confidently call my people is a gap I feel every day.
- If I don’t care about certain subject matter I don’t want to do the work. Now, I think as an undergraduate this manifested in a, “I’ll never need this, don’t have the maturity to care about learning for learning sake and would rather party it up” kind of way. As a first time postgraduate student, it was, “I need this subject matter expertise right now, but I’m working sixty hours a week and I’m tearing at the seams balancing school and full-time work. Yet, I can’t look dumb in front of these smart classmates of mine, so I better get my shit done, my well-being be damned.” These days, if a particular topic doesn’t strike my learning thirst, I think, “I know for a fact I won’t use this and I really just want to go to bed early or stream some dystopian crime show because I’m tired from school, work, and being older, plus I think maybe the world is ending?” Not caring about grades has its perks (caring only about learning is LUXURY), but as someone who always cared about her grades in the past (I’m STILL hot over receiving a single A- in my previous Master’s program), it’s informative to experience what caring about learning and not marks, means for work output.
- Accessing quality mental health care and applying for disability accommodations takes a shit ton of know how and you better have the privilege of possessing clear medical records. I am diagnosed with depression, Panic Disorder, and was born with a rare adrenal disease. While the University has been quite good at providing me support, I had to do the leg work and navigating medical systems is a skill I’ve had no choice but to master. I legitimately had a moment where I thought, “This takes too much energy so maybe I just won’t.” Considering I would literally die from not having my medicines by taking that approach, I still had the thought out of sheer exhaustion. Like, what?! If you haven’t had to navigate health systems before, or weren’t born needing medicines, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to navigate the system for the first time or have the motivation to set up care in the first place.
- If you speak multiple languages, with English not being your native language, college in an English speaking programs has to be infinity hard. Many of my classmates speak another language as their first language and I’m truly astonished by how talented they are. I would just cry if we threw a language barrier on top of some of these assignments.
My hypothesis that I couldn’t really know what it was to a be a student in 2023 and how to best support the students my organization serves without going back school myself has proven true. College is hard, no matter how much experience you have.
Ke Ke
31 October 2023 — 16:35
Hi Kristen. I think it is always very hard to talk about ourselves on this blog, a relatively open platform. I don’t know if it’s just because of my personality, but I do feel like I need to write something when I read this blog, like a kind of duty.
In fact, as a non-English speaking student as you mentioned, I can feel a sense of isolation here partly due to the language. In many cases, I am too sky to express because I do not know how to express accurately. In interpersonal relationships, precise language can help to understand each other and build tight friendships. Otherwise, I can only talk about things like the weather or homework to waste the time. Therefore, I feel most comfortable with some of my Chinese friends. Also, I came back to school after completing my undergraduate program for two years. Even for such a short period of time, I can feel a strong sense of discomfort, not to mention the fact that you have been out of the student role for a long time.
I understand that you came here with relatively clear goals, but don’t be afraid to “顺其自然” ,which means unplugging from what you want to achieve in your mind and letting it all happen naturally, and maybe you may get your answer:)
Clarisse Gomez
12 November 2023 — 16:14
Hi Kristen! I can relate to a lot of your sentiments! It’s been a long time since I’ve been in school, and I also feel like it’s kicking my ass! I’ve had a lot of moments of, “so this is how the kids feel,” and a lot of marveling at how much the world has changed since I did my undergrad.. and how now I’M the dinosaur who has to learn the tech!
But I guess we just need remember to be kind to ourselves. 🙂
Rimjhim
9 December 2023 — 13:46
Hi Kristen,
I’m reading this so late and I’m not sure how much of this is still true for your experience – but I must say I resonate with you on many aspects but especially on “I couldn’t really know what it was to a be a student in 2023 and how to best support the students my organization serves without going back school myself “.
Although it has ‘only’ been 6 years since I graduated from my undergrad and academia hasn’t changed much per se – EFI is truly peering into the future with their unique model. And with all the changes in the world around us, being a student is definitely a lot more difficult (and interesting)! It is easy to forget how it is to be a student and only remember the rosy bits. While I am enjoying everything that comes with being a student, I must agree that it is not as easy as I (arrogantly) thought I remembered it to be HAHA 🙂
I guess I need to be even kinder to my students if and when I am back on the other side of the classroom 😀