All Too Well: Those Invisible Harms
What is the motto of this week? Never break up with Taylor Swift, otherwise you will be in the song played on all media platforms. A ten-minute MV, longer than any other one, is just chiding “someone” although not explicitly. We all know it is you, Jake. Come on!
In the mini film, the man (let’s just call him Jake anyway) keeps showing control by dropping the girl (Taylor) ‘s hand and snapping her. He is mansplaining and gaslighting.
Mansplaining is ” to explain something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge about the topic” (Merriam Webster, 2018). Namely, someone (mostly man) gives instructions as if the listener does not know, to highlight his authority instead of offering sincere help. Any recollection of the feeling when your boyfriend is blabbing about why women do not need to use tampons in front of you? Or the scenario in the video when Jake re-defines how Taylor SHOULD feel (“pissed off” “absolutely selfish”) although she is just upset. Right there!
This pre-assumed superiority has its historical origin. In old times, men were the ones who received education and functioned as breadwinners. No wonder they believe women always need their guidance and help. Also, this is the moment when men’s ego exceeds self, where “self-subjective sense” (Goffman, 1972, p.86) crosses the boundaries of true capacity.
However, females can go to universities and have a decent career while accumulating skills and underpinning their own “territoriality” (Goffman, 1972, p.86). Viola, here is a clash!
However, mansplainers are not necessarily males because it generally represents a gesture of dominating the conversation from a position of power (or an illusion of it). Women can sometimes be mansplaining, as long as they break the ceiling. Also, it does not mean that anyone giving information is mansplainer. No matter the information is wrong or accurate, The way is the key. Obviously, you cannot reaproach your male maths teacher for “mansplaining” algebra.
Another point is gaslighting. It means psychological manipulation, during which victims lose the "confidence and self-esteem" and keep questioning themeselves (Merriam-Webster, n.d.).The reason I talk about these two topics together is that they are a medley of playboys’ tricks and both of them stem from women's delusional trust on men.
Unfortunately, inequality is just so real, and the society agrees with it.
Oh my god, she’s insane, she wrote a song about me
In day-to-day application, this behaviour means “reconstruction-denial-blame”. In the film Gaslight in 1944, Gregory (the husband) reconstructs for Paula (the wife) what is a dim or bright gas-fuelled light based on his comments instead of Paula’s own sight. When Paula finally starts doubts her own cognition and turns to Gregory for confirmation, Gregory denies her thoughts and then blames her for being insane. Thus, Paula keeps reinforcing the self-doubt circle.
The delicate techniques are played too subtly to be noticed. Actually, they are classic manoeuvres of hasty generalisations and red herring fallacies. For one thing, one single mistake does not make Paula a psycho. For another, if Paula is mentally ill, the conversation should focus on her mentality rather than blaming her.
It is also true with All Too Well. In the fight scene, Jake re-defines “anger” by saying “Why are you pissed off?” . The best part is the apology that follows. In this way, Jake is able to keep Taylor mildly destabilised at his hand, from sorrow and doubt to shame.
Both Paula and Taylor think highly of their partners, for no grounded reasons.
I’ll get older but your lovers stay my age
Unfortunately, inequality is just so real, and the society agrees with it. Older men use their age, status and information as a leverage. Somehow, people stop doubting about older men dating much younger girls, and even enjoy seeing it. As far as I am concerned, Jake is not the only man in showbiz who like younger ladies.
I knew I'd curse you for the longest time
We have to face it and fight it. Someone may ask "Does it matter ven after ten years?" The answer is a resounding "yes". That rage is worth remembering bacause that is where feminism strats.
References:
Goffman, E. 1972. Relations in public: microstudies of the public order. London: Penguin Books
Merriam-Webster 2018. Definition of MANSPLAIN. [Accessed 15 November 2021]. Available from: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mansplain.
Merriam-Webster n.d. Definition of GASLIGHT. [Accessed 15 November 2021]. Available from: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslight.
Notes: subheadings are also song-inspired this time and I quote some of the lines from Taylor Swift songs.
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