Under threat, Canada survives (barely)
It’s that post-election hangover. Canada hung on to its democracy under a barrage of American economic threats, invasion rhetoric, misinformation campaigns, and head-spinning electoral politics. It seemed like five minutes ago that Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government was waning and every “bro dude” in my office was gleefully counting down to Pierre Poilievre’s imminent victory. Then suddenly the whole country went topsy-turvey like a ship crashing starboard-side into the ocean, only to right-size itself at the very last minute — flinging off the people previously steering the boat.
It’s hard to know where this all began.
The conservatives, under Pierre Poilievre, were building massive momentum out of the pandemic. There were alot of pissed off guys (from all income levels ) who were convinced PP was gonna stop their emotional death spiral by (finally!) screwing over women and visible minorities. They spent three years being told they had to alter their lifestyles to keep people from dying, and that ruined their vibe. Life was on easy-mode, and now? What the fuck? Collectively, it didn’t matter their age, income, or education — being told what to do by a more feminine-looking posh man was not how any of this was supposed to work. Let the backlash begin.
And so it did.
Convoys and riots were led by the most aggrieved whiners. Dudes who were too lazy to do well in school, copied homework, never got hobbies, and didn’t bother cultivating any interests. Soon, their personalities revolved around being “anti” the Prime Minister, something that gave life to their shrivelled little mushroom hearts and earned them membership in a new club of similar losers. Maybe they used to like things, like video games, movies or snowboarding, but now they worked (or didn’t work), rarely maintained their friends, argued at hockey games, and abandoned playing the sports that once gave them joy.
The red-cheeked ringleaders, funded by US donors, held public tantrums and it took eternity for police to clear their encampments from cities and border crossings. But these rage-complaints, mixed with Loblaw’s price-gouging, and combined with a general “it’s time to move on” vibe, opened a window for the federal conservatives. By November 2024, it was looking like a political bloodbath for the liberal party.
Then a month later, in a disagreement over political strategy and finances, Chrystia Freeland (the then-minister of finance and deputy prime minister) abruptly resigned from Cabinet. On the inside, political games were afoot. But publicly, it seemed like getting ditched by your best friend on your birthday. Politically, it was unsurvivable. A few weeks later, Trudeau stepped down as PM – meaning the Liberal party, needed a new leader. And the conservatives were popping champagne bottles like it was New Year’s Eve.
Who the f*ck is Mark?
What happened next, no one could have predicted. Some guy named Mark announced his candidacy for the Liberal leadership, and nobody had ever heard of this guy. And by nobody, I mean the average Canadian. He seemed smart, and that made sense because he had a PhD from Oxford. He seemed very Canadian, and it’s no surprise because he wrote a book on social values. The Brit’s had already formed opinions about this guy because, it turns out, they pay attention to the Bank of England. It came to the surprise of many that Mark Carney was a top economist, and previously held the top job at both the Bank of England and the Bank of Canada. It seemed the UK had a long collective memory of who their economic dial twitchers were. Canadians didn’t have a clue.
With the US foaming at the mouth for a hostile take-over, Carney stood up and told them to fuck-right-off, and that cemented his role in the Liberal top spot. And bam — we got ourselves a federal election.
Carney proceeded do alot of smart-guy shit really quickly.
- Issuing Canada Savings Bonds in US dollars to test the global palate in investing in Canada.
- Slapping down the Carbon Tax – “It’s gone,” he said.
- Refusing to speak with Trump until he respected Canada’s sovereignty.
- Dispatching himself to Europe to shore up trade deals
- Securing air defence systems from Australia to protect the arctic
- Brokering new manufacturing supply chains.
- Creating a plan for infrastructure investments to get raw materials to Europe and Asia, and the dollar bounced upward as confidence in Canada grew.
Meanwhile, the US was still talking nonsense about tariffs – turning them off-and-on again, toying with the economy like waving five dollar bills in front of a stripper, and threatening Canada with invasion. It was desperate and annoying. Threatening and insulting. Stupid and then even more stupid. The psychodrama was scaring investors. Canadians were fuming and cancelling vacations. Sudden deportations froze everyone in their tracks. And the US became the most irrelevant place on earth.
A sure win? No. Not at all.
Canada’s political certainty hung in the balance. Would we adopt Trump-style politics? Would we cling to the white-man-tantrum that was crashing over the country, anger that was still spilling over from the pandemic? Would Canadians succumb to misinformation from bots and bad actors? All of this was possible. Pierre was the poster child for whiny dudes who wanted to use racial slurs again in public. He was an alternative for young voters who felt like they’d never get a job or afford to buy a house because that was a “liberal” thing. Educated white women who were over Trudeau put up blue lawn signs. Pierre represented the same kind of dude who didn’t like to work, wanted his laziness rewarded, and felt entitled to the top of the podium for simply existing. I can’t use the office microwave without bumping into one of these guys.
For Pierre, insisting that he could do better, while not doing anything at all, was appealing to voters who lived life the exact same way. Thinking doing hard shit is easy. And it is easy when you don’t do it.
On April 29, thanks largely to the province of Quebec — Carney was given the mandate for Prime Minister. Popular vote – check. Minority government – check. The conservatives, once drunk on political victory, were back in the opposition. The NDP got decimated. If circumstances had been a little bit different, this election would still have swung blue. After all, the con’s gained 20+ seats.
And we are not absolved of anything. Canada still has to reckon with the convoy crowd. The anti-immigration sentiments. The racism. The misogyny. The disdain for Indigenous people. Doing the wrong thing is exactly what conservatives wanted to do. No more apologies. No more DEI. No more help for anyone who isn’t a) white or b) a man.
Carney has work ahead. If he goes full throttle, it’s possible the dude-bros, and their wives, will soon realize that yeah — maybe the smart person should be in charge. Their lives will improve ever so slightly. But not at the expense of everyone else. And maybe in four years, they’ll pretend they voted for Carney all along. He’ll be too cool to deny.
But also likely is a backlash like nothing we’ve ever seen before. More rallies. Bigger convoys. Tantrums the size of dragons. US-funded disinformation campaigns. Something will be pissing these guys off, and that something will be exactly what set them off in the first place: having to care about other people.
So here’s a cautionary tale:
What we do next matters far more than what we did yesterday.
