The 5 T approach to Inclusive Student Supervision & Line Management
[cross-posted from my work in the Disabled Staff Network]
The 5 T approach has been designed to support supervisors and personal tutors for neurodivergent students, it is part of DSN’s training. (And works as well for other disabilities or line managers of disabled/neurodivergent staff!)
In the following paragraph you will read about each of the 5 Ts. There will always be a “Why” section first, that will give you the reasoning and background to the T in questions, followed by a “How” section, that gives you concrete ideas and tools to use. So, why do we always start with “why”? We want to enable informed and aware action. Understanding and knowing allows for empathy, and it empowers you to develop your own ideas and tools, tailored to your own circumstances.
Talk
Have an open conversation about your professional relationship, work, studies, and about how to have conversations.
(Print off a useful checklist here that will guide you through the Talk!)
Why?
- The one sentence you will hear again and again in inclusion and disability work is “Nothing About Us Without Us”. As a minoritised group, disabled people are often spoken about but not to. While those who discuss inclusion without actually including a disabled person may mean well, they deny us agency and thus equality. Almost all disabled students/staff have experienced that. Having the conversation about how to best support them without them is not only denying them agency, it’s robbing yourself of a very powerful resource, i.e. someone who has managed the student’s neurodivergence for about 20 years: the student/staff member!
- Many disabilities and especially forms of neurodivergence come with communication styles and needs that are different from what you might be used to. These differences may be purely due to disability and/or neurodivergence or due to cultural and linguistic differences, or both. That is not a bad thing and diversity is precious, but to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretation of the other person’s action, it’s best spoken about openly.
- Predictability is generally calming and helpful for everyone, but for many disabled people it’s essential. Making the process accessible and transparent helps everyone involved and makes sure everyone has realistic expectations.
How?
No matter what it is you need to discuss about the student’s/your direct report’s work or support, include them! Always speak to them rather than about them.
Have the Talk about talking to each other and working with each other.
How do we want to communicate with each other?
- Frequency: how often do you want to meet?
- Medium: do you want to meet in person? On a video call? Should we speak or write to each other?
- Length: are shorter meetings better or longer meetings?
- Notes: are we good at writing action points down ourselves or should we exchange a quick email after the meeting to clarify what we agreed on?
- Style: Can we hint at something or should we always be explicit? Can we use metaphors? (yes, really!)
What can we expect of each other?
- How much time do we realistically have for each other?
- How much work/feedback do we expect of each other and when?
- What are our working hours? When can we reach each other and how?
What we need:
- Consider the needs of both parties and find something that works for both.
- Try to openly discuss needs, but be prepared that the student might be ashamed or scared and not tell you everything right away.
Keep talking!
Make clear that the Talk is not a 1-off. They have forgotten or not dared to mention some needs? You two can talk more later. Their needs have changed? No problem, you can renegotiate how to communicate. You two agreed on talking with no written notes and you feel it doesn’t work? Talk about it openly with the student and agree on notes from now on.
Talking is a process, keep communicating!
Trust
Why?
Building a relationship of trust with your student is crucial, because only trust allows them to open up about their needs and to believe that your offers of help are genuine. Disabled students have reasons not to trust. They have experienced being ridiculed or belittled when voicing their needs or struggles. They have to feel that you are a safe person to talk to.
How?
Building trust between yourself and the student might be harder because they have had many bad experiences. What might help you get there is trusting them first.
Listen. Empathise. Believe them.
They are the expert on their neurodivergence or their other disabilities. If they say that they cannot work in this bright light, believe them. If they say the office is too loud, take their word for it. Don’t try to minimise their problem (worst case “it’s okay for the others though, are you sure?”), but trust their assessment of the e.g. workspace. They can tell you what is not suitable for their specific needs, and if they do so, that is a huge leap of faith and a sign they trust you with their vulnerability. Show them it was the right decision by listening and taking them seriously.
Give them reasons to trust you:
Make sure your words and actions align.
If you made a mistake or missed a meeting, own it and say sorry.
If you ask something of them, tell them the reason.
When they open up to you, you know what to do: Listen. Empathise. Believe them.
Tailor
Why?
People’s needs are vastly different. Techniques and adjustments that help one person might make another person worse. That is why we want more than equality (everyone gets the same), we want Equity (everyone gets what they need). This has to be said so explicitly because we increasingly see the rise of discrimination in the name of equality. E.g.
“We offer only apples for dessert so everyone gets the same.”
“I’m allergic to apples, can I have a banana instead?”
“I’m sorry. Giving you a banana would mean you don’t have the same experience as everyone else. It’s apples only, because we want parity and equality (sic!)”
How?
Tailor your approach to the individual student. Consider:
Some need pressure, some need space.
Some need more contact, some quiet.
Some need more feedback, some more autonomy.
But all of them need the 5 T. Every disabled person needs you to believe them, to consider them, to ask them what would help them. Listen. Empathise. Believe them.
Trauma
Why?
You won’t find a disabled person that does not have traumatic experiences in their past.
– Bullying
– Exclusion
– Having to mask
– Gas-lighting
– Ableist abuse
That is the sad reality of our society. Every disabled person you will encounter is traumatised.
Every. Single. One.
You cannot change that, but you can be aware of it.
A traumatised person can “overreact” to something you might consider harmless or even helpful/friendly.
A traumatised person might verbally lash out at you, and will immediately feel bad about it.
A traumatised person might shut down completely in response to something you said.
How?
If you want to turn the other cheek and interpret an outburst has the student loudly suffering in your presence rather than rudeness, remember:
That has to be your personal choice. No one can ask you to do this. You have the right to dignity and respect at work. You can remove yourself from the situation.
Choice can only happen out of a position of safety.
But if you can make that choice and see their pain, that might help a lot. Even if it doesn’t make things better overnight. What you can do then is:
De-escalate. Be calm.
Listen. Empathise. Believe them.
And very important: Tell yourself that it’s NOT your fault. You stepped on a trigger you didn’t know existed. That happens to professionals, that happens to people who know the person. It’s never nice when it happens but it’s not you. Remembering that is important for your own sake but also for the student’s/report’s sake. If you can remain calm and resting in yourself, they will calm down.
Trust yourself, so they can trust you.
A cup of Tea
Why?
In German we have a saying “Ratschläge sind auch Schläge” (Advice is also a beating). Help you offer, no matter how well intended, could retrigger the student’s trauma. That is of course sad and painful for you, because you really want to help and standing by watching while someone struggles is quite a burden. But for the student/your staff the offer of help could be anything but helpful. It could make them feel ashamed that they cannot do it by themselves, as they have been told for most of their life “everyone else can do so you are just lazy”. It could trigger anxiety, as they might feel they disappoint you. It could make them feel that they are not good enough. Remember, if that happens, it’s not you who caused this. You just put your finger on an old wound. So, where does the tea come in?
How?
Imagine the help you want to offer like a cup of Tea. What would you do with a cup of tea?
Offer it to someone in distress? Absolutely!
Keep offering it, warmly and plenty, even if it’s not always taken? Also yes!
Advertise it by saying you also like this tea and drink it often? Maybe.
Offer a different kind of tea if the first cup isn’t accepted? Perhaps.
Be offended or hurt if someone doesn’t want tea right now? No.
Force them to drink the tea? No way!
Help works exactly in the same way. Offer it, offer it warmly and plenty. Even if it wasn’t taken the last time. Someone might not dare to ask for help after they didn’t accept your help initially. Offer it again the next time, even if it wasn’t wanted the first time around. If they feel they can trust you, and they are ready to accept the help, they will take it if it’s still there.
