Deadpool leaked my teenaged superhero novel
Did Deadpool leak my novel? Yes and no. Frustrated with studios stalling on his project, Canadian Ryan Reynolds admitted leaking test footage to see if audiences would respond to his work. Now, he was a movie star before this happened, and clearly I am not. But leaking my novel feels exhilarating even if no one ends up reading it. I did have agent interest in the novel, but I wasn’t convinced that they were the right career fits for me. So, even though the book sat in my laptop for six years, and everyone tells you not to release your own work, I am in my punk era and I’m doing it anyways.
I’m crime writer now, but there is a pretty strong YA-to-Crime pipeline for authors. In 2016, I had this delusional dream to write a novel thinking it would get published immediately, and this would be my new career within the next year. I was going to be a YA writer and that-was-that.
I used the early chapters of a dystopian novel as part of my portfolio to get into the University of Edinburgh’s creative writing program, and they accepted me. Obviously this was a good sign, and my writing career was imminently awaiting, right? RIGHT?
Writing books is hard
So, flash forward to 2017 and writing a novel is harder than you think (unless you are AI and it takes 10 minutes). I wanted to write a great book – all by myself, thank you! So, I played around with my dystopian tech concept, and created some pretty cool characters, but I had no real plan and I was getting lost in my own narrative. I can’t remember if I was assigned a writing exercise, or if the idea popped into my head, but I switched gears after the first semester into a teenaged superhero concept where everyone had a useless superpower. That was my original idea anyway. Remember, this is the height of the Deadpool fandom, and Canadian snark was pretty popular. I was ready to capitalize on it. Thanks, Ryan!
The totally awesome book concept everyone would love
The concept was a comedy adventure-style novel that went from a small town to the neon streets of Tokyo, where a group of teenagers discover their own powers and have to fight off demons who are attempting to steal them. Of course, the central protagonist needed a mission – and while she was getting stronger, her dad was getting weaker – and a brain tumor threatened to kill him. With a demons tracking her every move, she takes a gamble to go in search of the cure–and her friends go along with her.
The dialogue is (what I think) makes the book sing. But obviously, I am not a teenager anymore, and I don’t talk Gen Z slang so I’ve run the risk of ageing out of who the reader might be. Is it a tween? a teen? a twenty-something? a nostalgic 30-something? But the book has important themes including sexual consent, a cast of diverse and queer characters, and a healthy teen-parent relationship.
I didn’t put loads of effort into querying after I passed on the one agent, so the novel went from something in my laptop, to something in my folder system, to being pushed out of my mind. I moved on to other writing.
A lightbulb moment when I was super pissed off
But, after I had a really frustrating experience with a writing prize contest which will not be named–I found a new resolve. My friends and family have been asking me constantly about my writing, when is the book out? when can I read it? And since 2018 I have had to tell them…nothing.
I decided to crack open my book folder, and re-read what I wrote. Was it horrible? That was the first question. And surprisingly, no… it was still pretty good. I did delete 257 instances of the word ‘just’ which was a smart idea. But, why not put it out there? At this point, I’m already running a ramshackle publishing company for short fiction (it is real) and my graphic design skills have drastically improved. Light bulb. Let’s leak it.
I was already ruminating about creating a pen name after that contest-that-wont-be-named. It was suggested that I was being too desperate, too pick-me, as a writer…it was suggested that I was not mysterious enough as a writer, so I thought a pen name would be a fresh start, and no one could judge it.
ChatGPT offered up some available names, a bio, and a backstory that sounds very similar to me but is also definitely not me (wink). At this point, I’ve been getting paralyzed by putting my writing out there because the feelings of being judged as a failure were messing with my brain.
But the pen name feels delightful. She doesn’t care what her former boss in 2012 thinks of her. She doesn’t have a boss. Or anyone. She’s a stock photo in the wilderness with a dog and a degree. She is happy and unbothered, hiking around, and writing her books. Good for her, I say.
Leaking versus publishing
Indie publishing is the new ‘cooler’ phrase for self-publishing on Amazon but much like Ryan Reynolds, I’m basically leaking the novel as an e-book. Leaking is cool. It’s punk. Nobody wants anything until someone else wants it, right? So, in my head, I am leaking this highly secure, super secretive, awesome book and hoping it finds a bunch of teenagers who don’t think my 2017 idea of a teen is too lame.
And you can get only unlock a copy by answering this riddle.
